I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
