Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
bring money and cleavage
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
