new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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