I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
