I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize