i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
