I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
