remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
