No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
