Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So squirting runs in the family.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
