He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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