I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
