he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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