i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
