I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
