so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
