I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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