I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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