Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
