I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
