so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just high enough for therapy.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
