I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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