Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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