clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
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i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
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Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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