I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my shit smells like andre
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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