I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
