new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
