I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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