you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
