I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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