Plan B is the new Plan A
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
