Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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