Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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