Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
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Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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