shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
