Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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