my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
