no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
