i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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