how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
