I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
