i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
