i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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