Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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