Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
