I wannas sexs uuuuu
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
