i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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