just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
