remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There r osticjed everywhere
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
how do you play pong handcuffed?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
