My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
