I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
