I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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