Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
