I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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