I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
