I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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