blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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