You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
should my penis look like a turkey
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
