Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
