At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
