so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
