It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
