I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
