oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
