Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
