I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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