Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize