I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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