Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
