i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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