Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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