Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
